cold window and piano sad songs in the background is not something that would make your life easier

I feel like swimming in something heavy and half liquid, like honey..but with the taste of a spoonfull of garbage.

o portie

I woke up smoking on my window at 3.21 a.m. Got the most weird thoughts. It's 3 weeks since i'm trying to be less selfish. (= thinking more about what others wish and helping myself to understand other reasons and lives). Still, i cannot do it well. I'm the most selfish being on the planet. I am to blame for most of the nasty things that happen in this world ;)
Anywayzzz, i've got new brushes and colours. I'm trying to figure out what can i do, as i decided to give up the old way of doing things. It bugs me off. Sometimes i'm just too confused or dizzy to see what moves near me. I'm so static and unbalanced, that i succeed to ruin everything i start. All this trash around me + my messy floor makes me think about what a chaos i am. I play fool most of the time and pretend i'm fine, but.. i crumble inside, i breath slow, i almost faint when he's not near. I've been painting for nothing, i wish i could say i have something on my mind.

Come and say 'hello'. I badly need this.


"Iubirea nu trebuia sa fie ca un ciocan. As fi vrut sa cuprind lumea"
" Liniile intrerupte de pe autostrada se unesc daca mergi repede, dar ele tot intrerupte raman"

Politics

Incubus - Megalomaniac Video by Chad - MySpace Video



et voila!

ha!

mda, deci nu pot sa dau hide sau cv de genul la ce am postat pana acum. si nici sa le sterg nu ma lasa inima. nu de alta, dar ma mai amuz si eu de una alta. Ideea e ca sunt de ignorat, nu de citit, decat daca are cineva timp de pierdut sau un interes deosebit pt stari schizoide de cea mai slaba calitate. Adica eu le apreciez, stiu ce am in cap si ce bazaie acolo, dar .. well.. whatever. nu mai conteaza.


In curand o sa ma ocup de chestii dragute.

little disasters and atomic bombs in my head

Tired of people who won't know how to get closer.Tired of being so involved and still feeling nothing. Tired of faking it, tired of compromising, tired and vomiting over my tired mind and pretending i'm doing something useful. Tired of smiling without believing it, tired of falling for details, tired of being in love with the wrong guy, tired of filling my tormented soul with words and images i honestly dislike, tired of talking to shallow people just because i'm a social animal, tired and vomiting over my stupid and weak mind.
Today i went out all by myself, just because i wanted to smoke and have a drink and have a clever conversation with my deadly self. Told my mother that i was going to have a coffee with an old friend and ran out. I don't remember very well what i've done while being outside my house, i just know that this evening caught me half-depressed.

e de bine

hurray for J.D. Salinger!! I never knew he used to write such stories. Beautiful indeed.


A weekend full of music and sand.
I officially dislike CFR ( bastards, I've always thought you were better, but i have the proof right beneath my eyes)
Drunk people are funny. ( degradarea umana atingand forme apoteotice care se traduc printr-un comportament care nu este nicidecum corespunzator , avand in vedere .... blah blah blah :))) no one killed me, mum. ;0
My organs value less
Cool lessons about friendship and people . Too cool, almost breath-taking.
etc, etc etc . ;)
:D

get used to the fish flying and the car stopping in the desert. You'll need that as a lesson about life

Wondering about life And future. How bright is it after all?


fuck off, i'll walk away.


Working on something nice. Hope this time will be fine . ;) Fingers crossed. :D
I'll be back with super super things :d

cut off ;)

I want you to be crazy , 'cause you're stupid baby when you're straight
I want you to be crazy , 'cause you're boring baby when you're sane

mi-am reluat activitatea de visator si tarator. yey. Si zici ca sunt Robet Smith, asa imi sta parul. Si azi am desenat toata ziua . It's all in my mind. All in my pocket. All in my boxes.

I've got a crush on The Kills. Drept urmare, tot ce fac are legatura cu baloane negre si versuri stupide. Eh, si cu Andy Warhol, dar oricum mereu are legatura cu el, nu-i vorba doar de muzica pe care o ascult in astea 2 zile . ;)
ah, I FEEL MY BRAIN WORKING> IT FEELS SOOO GOOD> hurray
cu

keep going, buttonel (hey, that's me )

La un moment dat totul devine amuzant. Pana si faptul ca te clatini cand bate vatul sau cand se intampla sa tipe cineva la tine. Si dupa ce e amuzant incepe sa devina hilar.
Oricum nu despre cum trec eu prin lume si evenimente vruaim sa vorbesc, dar inevitabil asta sfarsesc a face de fiecare data. Aham, zicea cineva ca am un cult al personalitatii mele. Wrong! Eu doar ma observ si incerc sa ma inteleg. Decat ca mie imi ia mai mult decat altora. .. si de aici porneste nebunia.
Aseara am recuperat una din cartile mele preferate. Am recitit cateva pasaje si apoi am visat-o toata noaptea. Adica m-am visat pe mine ca Harry Haller. Numai ca nu mai stiu cine era Hermina, adica nu am reusit sa o indentific> Si nici pe Pablo, desi imi tot injecta ceva in picior( nu stiu exact de unde am facut conexiunea, mda) anywayzz. whatever.
M-am reapucat de ascultat muzica mea de toate zilele, adica muzica aia de dinainte de cocorosie. Adica sunt din nou indioata. welcome sweet years :D
WTF? ideea e ca i'm disappointed by my best friend . I can't breathe, i've just caught a cold.
Si eu, spre deosebire de alti copii draguti si echilibrati, nu pot sa merg drept. It's not like 'walk the line, Johnny!' . E altceva, you get the ideea...
Ideea e ca atunci cand sunt adult tai in carne vie. Si chiar nu vreau sa fac asta . Plus ca parca sunt un mic mare monstru de beton si nu reusesc sa ma vad decat din afara. Feels better to be a dreamer and to believe in sweet nothings. Plus ca numai asa iti permiti si o viata secreta. ;)
Aham, sa nu uit. de maine beau din nou cafea cu lapte. I'm too sour with sour coffee.

I have measured out my life with coffee spoons ;)

my dream is broken .
patetic.
citesc T.S. Elliot din nou. da da. the lovesong of j. alfred prufrock. pentru a 10000000 oara
ah, si da. sa nu uit.. cred ca s-a facut praf tot ce facusem pana acum de cand am inceput facultatea. emotional si ideologic vorbind.

le noir et le noir, il y a beaucoup de differences. ;)

in my secret life , in my secret life. i abused this song all this week. i overwatched the video. and thought maybe too much about the theme.
but, isn't it all so lovely? and funny at a certain point ( until it becomes weird:)))?
like... i am such an idiot in real life, i stumble, i fall, i say stupid things, i laugh like a retard, i dream during my classes, i forget about my homework, i disappoint people, i stare into people's eyes, i stay quiet when i sould speak and then i become hyperactive when i should stay quiet. I am the upper limit of stupid empirism and never believe without going through the experience. I abuse all i like and I make sure that i get the last drop of the things i am impressed by. I know no limits. Then i fall into deep dreams and never wake up on time .
but.. in my secret life i do things in a different way. in my secret life everything moves so like me , has exactly the rythm i do. And , besides, i do have lots of secret interests and secret wishes for a suprarealistic life. But, as they are secret, I can't tell. :D

rabbits don't actually bite , they kill.

waiting .-as if she would expect him to be there everytime she turns her head to left.
smiling as if she was sure he would respond with a smile as well. eyes would meet and that is.. the story is already started.
is like.. i really want to paint this thing. the deer falling for the wolf or something. maybe i would choose some other little opposites , but you get the idea.
oh, if only i could stop concetrating on small disasters and stop lighting bombs in my head, everything would be just fine. fine as an evening when you drink tea and have some biscuits, then watch a creepy film and cry until you fall asleep. then you wake up laughing. what a day would be that when you wake up laughing at yourself. ;)

oh, dear! something drives me really crazy. :)) maybe the exams, maybe the people around me, maybe the coffee i have, maybe the dog that eats my bag or my shirt and then i have nothing to wear.


btw: it seems that
Dreaming is free
distraction is an obstruction to the construction
the brain is the most impressive thing in the universe, and it's right behind the nose ( as to make me confused enough to refuse to study funny things for university)

this is all for today, little creatures. I shall take my lazy self and my immaginary friends and go to shhhhtudy.

funny day we had, is that so ?

clever dialogue

' i don't eat fish?
why ?
fish piss in the water
so do children.
well, i don't eat children eather. '

and then closer closer closer .
love that film. saw it again these days.

madame Tua. Lechat

secret places are the best .

unhealty attitude, but i can't help it

I found this wonderful boy who writes wonders. i actually didn't find the boy, i found the wonders, but the boy writes them, so ..now you understand why i chose to begin my idea like that.
anyway, this is not my point in this dizzy evening.

Oh, i happen to fall in love with poetry and nice novels lately.
shame on me, i should be more into dramatic writting. But.. some wizzards-writters took my mind away from me. ;)

Here I go again. again again again. Sick and tired face in front of my computer. Looking for some creepy things. Looking for some creepy music.
But, what what what !?!?!?!?!
hey, this is the funny and charming 2009? is it already?!!?!!


well, then i change plans and attitudes. :d
Maybe i'll go and pick my books, my pencils and my old CDs , my suprarealistic dreams and start doing something more productive.

Meet me on Monday, I'll rock that day. ;)

rootless tree . 'aquatic' kind of view. ;

citizien of another universe, seeing myself as another fish, i claim for my right of having a happy ( read as 'not so ordinary') winter holiday.
ha, i might as well erase that stupid idea. And how i wish i could do it for real, not just on paper or on the desktop.
anyway, the basic idea is that i need someone nice to talk to. See , it's quite important to talk and not just speak.
uh, i'm full of pathetic moods ( as pathetic as Prufrock:))).
skip.

Ok, here I am . in my bedroom, looking for nice music and crying over my keyboard. I am just too sick. Is the firts time i catch a cold this winter, so i feel terribly awfully bad.
And i want some winter evenings full of movies. Btw. tea and biscuits, anyone? ;;) And i also look for someone dreamy-insane enough ( like me :D) to join me in making the most terrific and marvelous pencil clothes for my imaginary theatre of over-absurd-visions and for other stupid-idiotic projects i have in my mind. :D

well, we'll keep in touch . ;)

blue knitwear

bits of bits

friends. old times.
Macacul se intoarce pt cateva saptamani. I'm soo happy , I even dream at least one hour per day about it. I should do some preparations. And since I am not good at cooking or something like that, I'll buy the cakes and then I'll paint something and maybe even craft , since I have one day off ( it's saturday people, i can sleeeeep and happily work on my personal projects)
And soon I'll be drawing again and doing nice stuff, since I opened my mind again. So beware, I'm on the run. ;)

(old photo near. october. first time at home with Gabi and Piru after i came back from England. I guess Anda was there too. )

art of sleep, not science.

well well, adevarul e ca pot sa dorm zile intregi. pot , de fapt sa stau in pat zile intregi, fara sa am vreo problema in a ma izola si a visa , cu ochii inchisi sau deschisi , asha..cam pana cand civilizatia are vreo nevoie imperioasa de prezentza mea.
mda, presimt ca o sa ma cheme toti de pe marte cand incepe sesiunea. btw, asta e undeva prin ianuarie, nu? iar noi suntem undeva prin decembrie, nu? deci . oh , NU!!! wow. mai e putin. :-s:-s:-s
pfff. si stai putin, azi am facut casa aia cu scari care nu duc nicaieri? da? serios? puteam sa jur ca am visat! si azi mi-am taiat degetul cu foarfeca aia care avea aceesi culoare cu puloverul meu! azi, adica ieri, adica recent. ;)

need clementine or something like that. after all. after hours. velvet underground.
si patrick wolf.
si imi mai place o chestie acum. si daca imi place, logic voi abuza de ea. " la mer est calme, sur l'ecran de la camera.....pararam..lala..la"